The Beginning of it all - 2003

I want to tell my story of pains. It tells the miracles of God through one of the toughest times in my life.


When I was a youth minister, I always knew that children would be my focus on ministry. But what I didn't know is how long I would be doing it. When Jen and I got married, God began building a new part of ministry for us both. I resigned as youth minister and began sitting still to listen to what He had in store. He didn't speak for years and that was frustrating. I need an answer now, my brain just worked that way. Sit still and listen.

2003

We moved from one church to the other and there was offered the youth ministry job, but told them I would only volunteer as God was stirring in our hearts to go a new direction. But what is it God? Sit still and listen.

We ended up moving to Tulsa at the end of the year. A new job, new people, new church, was this it? Nope. Still needed me to sit still and listen.

Okay this is frustrating. I'm not the best or most obedient christian, but I think I deserve some direction. We ended up volunteering for another church in Collinsville, OK due to still didn't feel we was supposed to be in the position of youth ministry in a church. But it was a passion. Passion to want to mold young minds and help them with their day to day struggles. Still. Same old answer. Sit still and listen. ARRRGGGHHH!!!

By now end of 2004 has arrived and out of no where a strange illness has attacked my body. My right side hurts just like a sick galbladder or appendix, but they check just fine. Now I'm losing blood out of lower areas that shouldn't be losing blood. Not good. I'm losing weight and sickness has struck my body so hard that I can hardly stay out of hospital or go to work. Luckily I had a job that was awesome on standing by my side to help me get better.

I have seen doctor after doctor and still no answers. I was told to visit a neurologist to check things of that nature. He felt my Psoas muscle in the center of my body was damaged and steriod shots to it under live xray could fix the problem. Laying on a bed while they stick a 5" needle past your spine and into this muscle with no "funny" juice is not fun. They hit nerves while doing it and next thing I know for two days I'm paralyzed from walking. I finally get my legs under me and go back to work. Never felt better. One month later, same pains and I'm back for more treatments. I did this for 6 months or so and it never eased the pain.

Now I'm off to a stomach doctor. After about 6 months of in and out of hospital, tests, and numerous doctor visits I had one last visit one late night to the E.R. cause the pain was so great I passed out and hit my head. After 7 hours in E.R. the doctor looked me straight in the eye and said in the nicest way she could and told my I was crazy and I would just have to learn to live with it. I can't do this anylonger. I hurt. My relationship with my job is failing and my marriage is getting rocky cause of my temper due to sickness. Which let me add to that. Jen never left my side and stood by me through thick and thin. A true bestfriend.

I finally got a general surgeon to consult with. Maybe he'll have the answer, cause if he doesn't, I don't know what to do. My mind has began to wonder off, and the thought of God is not even close in my mind. I'm mad at Him right now. When I need Him most, He left me to hurt, cry, and physically wanting to hurt myself. What should I do? I no longer want to just sit still and listen, I need an answer now!

The end of 2005 is near and this has gone on way to long. The general surgeon puts me under and takes a look. When I awake there are six holes in my body. My appendix is missing, my galbladder is missing, and there is a small hole in my liver where they took a biopsy of it. WHAT!?!


....stay tuned for 2006...it's the year of hurts and changes!